©Karen A J Rinehart
Coming home from running errands today, I grabbed the things from the car. After unlocking the front screen door, I noticed a spider the size of me on the door. Jumping up and down and dropping everything I had in my hands, I picked up the nearest thing I could grab, a spade and proceeded to hit at the beast. I continued my jumping up and down and hitting at the spider when he decided that it was time to vacate the outside of the door and proceed inwards away from the attacking woman with the hatchet.
Realizing my neighbors were probably laughing themselves silly, I began gathering my items and approached the door again. Reaching for the screen door, I opened it ever so slowly and looked to see if it was still lurking around. Sure enough, there it was hanging, this time from the web it had spun on my window of the screen door. Thus commenced the jumping, dropping and screaming. I grabbed my little hatchet and began hitting at it and saying, "Die. Die, you little beast." But, all the screaming, jumping and hitting didn't phase the little beast.
I decided to call in the spider killer. I rang my husband on the phone and asked him if he was going to be home soon. He told me he was almost finished with his errands and would be there shortly, while apparently intrigued by the sound of my voice decided to ask, "Is something wrong?"
"Yes, there is something wrong. I have a spider as big as me on the screen door and I can't seem to kill it. I want you to come home and kill it for me so I can go inside."
It will be a little bit and I'll be right there. Are you outside?"
"No. I'm inside and that is why I'm complaining about not being able to go inside because there's this big ass spider lurking on my door," I told him.
"I'll be there shortly," he said.
"Fine," I said.
Eventually, after much complaining, out loud, I decided to brave it and enter the house complaining all the while about the huge spiders, mosquitoes, tripping over the outside cats, etc. After finally getting inside, I began to feel that something was crawling on me. So, more jumping, swatting and such commenced.
I'm quite certain, if they were watching, that the neighbors thought I was doing a rain dance of some sort. I detest spiders with a passion and I detest having to kill the little beasts. "Why," you ask. Well, some of those little buggers jump and I wasn't in the mood to tackle a beast as big as me.
18 hours ago